Unimaginable Pain

After a long week at home with sick kids, I get an email from a old friend. Her baby was born very early and was called home far too soon. She sent me an email today with a slide show video that was made for her of her sweet baby boys last day here on earth. Many of us don't know this because we have never experienced it, but there are wonderful people in this world who take photographs for families at stillbirths or when a baby is expected to pass. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever watched. It made my heart hurt for her. The unimaginable pain or rocking your baby to sleep is something I can't wrap my mind around. There are so many things we don't understand if this life. I have faith that God has bigger plans for this sweet baby boy! He is in a far better place than we can imagine.

I have spent this last week doing nothing but wishing I felt better because this little human being growing inside is sucking the life right out of me. I have complained I don't feel well and that I know this is the last time I can ever do this. Now I feel rather embarassed because who am I to complain about feeling sick when another mother would give ANYTHING to hold her baby boy. Who am I to get another healthy child when a friend can't even get one? Hug your babies a bit tighter tonight knowing that at any moment God's plan may not be yours. I try so hard not to take things for granted, but in the chaos of life, sometimes that is hard. I pray for those who are hurting for the loss of their babies or children.

Being pregnant for the 5th time, yes I said 5th, we had a miscarrage between Jace and Max, I am left to wonder if I will be so very lucky to get another healthy baby. If you stop and think about the delicate process of life, it is hard to believe that most of the time, not a thing goes wrong and you get a perfectly beautiful baby. If you really think about the privilage woman have to GROW ANOTHER HUMAN BEING INSIDE THEM, how cool is that, to GROW A HUMAN BEING. It is just a process I think we take for granted. We get pregnant, vomit, have mood swings, cravings, gain weight in places we never thought possible, have the baby then life revolves around your breasts and no sleep, but what is really happening is human life and we are sooooo lucky to be part of it. We need to learn to embrace all that comes along with the process of life. I know I will especially after seeing that video and the pain in their eyes. The pain of a mother yearning for her child to live, but God had bigger plans.