It has been awhile!

I just realized that it has been quite awhile since I have blogged. I really need to be a better day to day blogger! The last several months have gone by pretty fast. I am 35.3 weeks along with baby number 4. It has been the hottest summer since 1930 or something. Some days I feel like a prisioner of my own home because if I leave I am misreable!

Jace started 1st grade and is doing great! He is reading already and I wold like to think that I have a part in that since we worked so hard with reading and math skills over the summer. Max is having an adjustment with Jace back in school. Everyday he asks 10 times when can we pick Jace up and why can't he eat lunch with us. It is amazing that they fight like crazy and then when they are away they miss each other.

Max starts preschool this Thursday and is super excited. He is ready to do what is big brother gets to do. Max is super independent and I love seeing his personality when we are one on one and he doesn't try to be Jace. Last week I took him with me to church and then we had lunch together. When we left he said "that was a fun lunch, just me and you mom". Sometimes it is hard to get done but spending one on one time doing something special is amazing.

Owen is talking soooooo much! He is in love with Mickey Mouse and would watch it all day if I let him. He is becoming VERY opinionated! He is tired of his oldder brothers beating up on him and telling him what to do all the time, so he is not taking it anymore. I love when he kicks the boys out of his room when they want to play in there because that is what they do all the time to him!

Mark is back in school full swing. It was so nice that he took the summer off and we got to spend so much time with him. Now we are ready and rested for an intense 2 years. Today is our 9 year anniversay and it seems like just yesterday that we were skipping high school together.....oops maybe I shouldn't tell that. I love him so much!

I am feeling the exhaustion of having 3 kids and being pregnant. I can't wait to meet our little surprise. Will it be a girl or a boy? Either one would be a blessing from God. When we were having our sono Jace really wanted to find out what we were having and then Max said to him "we just have to wait and see what Jesus brings us". I love that kid.

Well, that is all for now. Just a short recap of the last few months.

My passion has been reignited!

Ever feel like you are just going through everyday and not really taking in all of the things you enjoy? I think we all go through times when we just need a boost. Well I have had so much going on in life I have fallen off track and needed a boost back into "my life". When I have a million things to do or places to be, my doula business and my passion for birth seem to take the back burner.

I had the opportunity to speak to a class of high school students about being a doula, birth, breastfeeding, and babies today. I am VERY thankful for the experience and the chance to share with you people when they are most vulnerable! God has shown me that I am better with teens than I ever thought I could be. A few years ago the thought of having a conversation with a teenager about anything seemed almost scary or useless. I have grown to LOVE helping and being around teenagers. They have brought me so much joy and it has been very rewarding. That is why I was so excited to speak to them today.

Anyways, after talking with them about birth and sharing my personal story with them, I feel like my passion is alive and burning again. Don't get me wrong, my passion wasn't lost and I will ALWAYS have a love for birth, it was just being covered up by STRESS, tiredness and my busy everyday life!!!

I feel like I could shout from the mountain tops, women are AMAZING, women are stronger than they think, BIRTH IS NORMAL, pregnant women are NOT broken!!!!! Maybe it's all the coffee I had today :-) but I feel like God has me here for a purpose and I don't ever want to lose sight of that! I do know that not all of you have the same beliefs as me and that is okay, I just want all women to be able to make informed decisions about an experience that they will carry with them for the REST OF THEIR ENTIRE LIFE!

In youth group this past Sunday we discussed that using your talents is an act of worshiping God. I completely feel like I am worshiping God by using the skills and the passion he has given me. I know that I am making Him proud by using my talents. If you have read all of this, I want you to leave with one thing, find your passion, find your purpose, and know your strengths. Life is soooooo much more rewarding when you have something that drives you!!!! I just happen to have several somethings that drive me!

No more caffeine for me today! ;-)

Unimaginable Pain

After a long week at home with sick kids, I get an email from a old friend. Her baby was born very early and was called home far too soon. She sent me an email today with a slide show video that was made for her of her sweet baby boys last day here on earth. Many of us don't know this because we have never experienced it, but there are wonderful people in this world who take photographs for families at stillbirths or when a baby is expected to pass. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever watched. It made my heart hurt for her. The unimaginable pain or rocking your baby to sleep is something I can't wrap my mind around. There are so many things we don't understand if this life. I have faith that God has bigger plans for this sweet baby boy! He is in a far better place than we can imagine.

I have spent this last week doing nothing but wishing I felt better because this little human being growing inside is sucking the life right out of me. I have complained I don't feel well and that I know this is the last time I can ever do this. Now I feel rather embarassed because who am I to complain about feeling sick when another mother would give ANYTHING to hold her baby boy. Who am I to get another healthy child when a friend can't even get one? Hug your babies a bit tighter tonight knowing that at any moment God's plan may not be yours. I try so hard not to take things for granted, but in the chaos of life, sometimes that is hard. I pray for those who are hurting for the loss of their babies or children.

Being pregnant for the 5th time, yes I said 5th, we had a miscarrage between Jace and Max, I am left to wonder if I will be so very lucky to get another healthy baby. If you stop and think about the delicate process of life, it is hard to believe that most of the time, not a thing goes wrong and you get a perfectly beautiful baby. If you really think about the privilage woman have to GROW ANOTHER HUMAN BEING INSIDE THEM, how cool is that, to GROW A HUMAN BEING. It is just a process I think we take for granted. We get pregnant, vomit, have mood swings, cravings, gain weight in places we never thought possible, have the baby then life revolves around your breasts and no sleep, but what is really happening is human life and we are sooooo lucky to be part of it. We need to learn to embrace all that comes along with the process of life. I know I will especially after seeing that video and the pain in their eyes. The pain of a mother yearning for her child to live, but God had bigger plans.

Compliment

I had the best compliment on Saturday night at the Roosevelt carnival. I was volunteering in the face painting/tattoo room and there was a college kid who was volunteering to help me. A grandma came in with her grandkids and tells us that it was so great of us to volunteer our time. She then said "do you both go to Fort Hays". I promptly said "Well yes I do". Then I had to tell her that no i was just a parent but that was a great compliment that I could look like a college student. The kid I was sitting by was 19, does that mean I look 19? No matter what it made me feel good!!! I always tell Mark I still feel like I just graduated HS. He looks at me like I'm a nut case. Defiantly, hanging out with all of these teens, is going to keep me young!!! I learn something new from them everyday. I am so blessed to have them in my life. Mark is going on our next trip with us so he to will get the pleasure of teen boys and girls, but mostly boys! Laying the ground work for us!

SuperBowl

I had a great time with friends and family watching the game. Oh, wait a minute, I didn't watch until the 4th quarter because I have 3 munchkins to run after. That's ok because I don't really enjoy football! I am more of a social person than a sports person. I love spending time with family and friends. I think every year we have some people over the this big sporting event and it's never Mark's idea. It's great to have people over and spending some good all American time together. I don't know much more. I hope to have a productive week and look forward to the YAMA chili cook off Saturday.

Kids are SO honest!

We were at church tonight and there was a older lady who probably isn't the cleanest person in the world, and she was helping Max put his coat on. Being COMPLETELY honest, Max says, "your stinky". Jace's eyes were as big as saucers and thankfully the lady was hard of hearing and she didn't understand what Max said. I quickly redirected him so he wouldn't say it again. It took everything I had not to bust out laughing because what he said was totally true, just not appropriate to say.

On a side note, I measured my kids on the wall last night and they have grown sooooo much. I can't believe how fast time goes. I just want to savor every minute. Jace told my mom the other day that his favorite day of the week was Saturday. He said he loved Saturday because he didn't have to go to school, he didn't have to go to grandma Mary's, and all he had to do was stay home and do projects with his mom! When you hear something like that it makes you want to hang on to the innocence. I know there will be a day that my boys won't love Saturday's because of mom, but for now I need to cherish this time with them.

Under Construction

Our Home is officially

Under Construction

WE are growing by 2 feet!

Construction expected to be completed around October 1^st and then we will have 2 more feet running around and lots more to love!

With Love, Mark, Avry, Jace, Max, Owen, and baby on the way!